May has so sweetly asked me to guest on her amazing blog and she asked me to write about anything…ANYTHING!! So I decided, in honor of Trinity and all her craziness, that I would write a letter to myself as a teen and give myself some really awesome advice…er, or advice. Maybe “awesome” is too strong an adjective. Thank you, May!
Dear Teenage Liz,
Right now you’re worried. I know you are. You shouldn’t be. Life is going to be fine! So fine. Stop worrying. Let me tell you specifically what you should stop worrying about.
Stop worrying about how many CDs you don’t have and how musically inept you are. One day the idea of buying a physical CD for $17.99 without hearing more than the top single or two, usually radio edited, will be laughable! You will be able to sample songs on cool sites that show official videos and ones made by fans. You will hand-select mp3s one by one from Amazon and download them to your iPod. Wait, you don’t know what an mp3 is. The only website you go to is Lycos. And you listen to music on a CD discman you really, really wish had that awesome jogging technology that will allow nothing to skip.
Cool, slick, four radical colors!
Stop worrying about Montgomery X.* and how long you’ll date and if he really loves you and if your star-crossed love will be true. He’s going to be around for a looong time. Actually, he’s going to be your boyfriend longer than either one of you want. There’s no point in yelling at Brunhilda J. for sitting in his room with him all night at his sister’s party “just talking.” And threatening to make Buffy W. digest her own teeth is just mean. Yes, they may be creepy, vile girls, but when a guy hangs with such girls, it’s actually a sign. That you should dump him. But you will. Don’t worry.
Wear it. I know you don’t like hats, but you should wear it. Seriously. Put it on. That’s a girl.
Stop worrying about math. Or, if you’re as worried as you keep pretending, do your damn homework and stop writing angsty poetry while poor Mr. Warwick tries to teach you about the Pythagorean Theorem for the third year in a row. No, you will never need it. Nor will you “need” the Women’s Studies degree you’re going to eventually graduate college with. But you’re giving Mr. Warwick heartburn and, you know what, maybe you’d like it if you tried. (Okay, that’s a lie. Probably. But still.)
Sorry, Mr. Warwick. Don’t worry. I got mine. I eventually taught grammar. To middle schoolers.
Stop worrying about being murdered. Here’s the thing. Your best friend is really sweet, but she just has gorier taste in movies than you do. Just because you happen to be a size 12 does not mean some crazy man is going to throw you down a pit and make you rub lotion all over yourself so he can make a lady-covering out of your supple skin. Just. Stop. Watching. Horror. Movies. Was showing everyone that you were cool enough to watch worth the three months of rampant insomnia? (Also, why did it never occur to you to try to cure said insomnia by doing some math homework? Just saying.)
Okay, this picture was supposed to be super funny…but now I’m creeped out. And…I’m still a size 12. Um, Jodie Foster totally killed him at the end, right? I may have been rocking back and forth and sucking my thumb by the end.
Stop worrying about the future. Because guess what? It’s going to be ten million times cooler than you thought. You’re not going to marry a guy who loves books as much as you do, and you’ll never stay up all night debating the best books in YA. You won’t have six kids named after your favorite characters in literature. You won’t earn your PhD by the time you’re 27, you won’t live in Europe for a few years, you won’t learn to walk in high-heels, you won’t ever get used to wearing lipstick like a grown up, and you won’t learn to love coffee.
Nope. Not you.
You will still be googly in love with your truck-loving, sweet, hilarious husband even a decade after you meet him. You are going to have the funniest, awesomest daughter named after your favorite movie heroine who cracks you up and makes you fall in love all over again every day. You’ll reluctantly inherit a dog that you’ll grow to love, find out teaching isn’t your thing even though you really liked the kids, Disney World will be the vacation hot spot you daydream about, and you will find so many pairs of killer flats, the perfect tinted lipgloss, and spiced cider that it will make up for the heels, lipstick, and coffee you just can’t get into. Oh, and you get to do your dream job. You will be a YA writer! I know. And, no, it’s not as cool as you think. It’s a jillion times COOLER!
Yep…a jillion times cooler. That’s mathematically accurate, by the way.
Yep. Life is going to be pretty awesome, so just chill.
Love always,
Old Liz (well, Older Liz. Not that Liz minds being old, but one day 80-year-old-Liz may want to write a letter, and it seems kind of premature to steal her thunder like that.)
*Names changed because my husband is always afraid someone will sue me. But this is all true. And Montgomery X. knows exactly who he is.
Now to the giveaways!
Liz had been kind enough to donate an e-copy of Forgiving Trinity to one of you beautiful book lovers!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
There is also a tour wide giveaway to win physical copies of the book, but it is US only, unlike the ecopy giveaway.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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Great guest post from Liz, as always!
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking part in the tour, May!
Thank you so much for having me!! I'm so happy I got to start my tour on your awesome site ;)!!
ReplyDeleteI love this letter to her teenage self! And the book sounds amazing!
ReplyDeleteLIZ, YOU ARE ADORABLE. This is the cutest thing I've ever read - I laughed my teenaged son right out of bed. AND IT'S ONLY 10am. (You know exactly what I would be happy to do to Montgomery X, if he was important enough for me to do it, right? But let's face it. He's not important enough to bother.)
ReplyDeleteLiz, Love the letter, there is so much we could tell ourselves and your letter is perfect. Sounds like your ex and mine were related. :) Isn't it funny and wonderful how life just works itself out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the giveaway!
Christina - Thank you! I hope you entered to win a copy ;)!!
ReplyDeleteTammara - Totally true! He once asked what I wrote about. I said, "Not you, sweetie. You were never interesting enough to bother with."
Crystal - I think Mr. X had a TON of relations...but if we didn't have those Mr X's, we wouldn't have been led to the awesome place we are now ;)!! We're the lucky ones!!
Cool post! Forgiving Trinity sounds so awesome!
ReplyDeleteOoh, I LOVED this post! So funny and wise. Wish there were a way to send it to your younger self - though would you really have listened?
ReplyDelete